What is loneliness? How to cure loneliness?

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Loneliness is a universal human emotion that is both complex and unique to each individual. Because it has no single common cause, the prevention and treatment of this potentially damaging state of mind can vary dramatically.

For example, a lonely child who struggles to make friends at school has different needs than a lonely older adult whose spouse has recently died.

Definition of Loneliness

While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people.

Researchers suggest that loneliness is associated with social isolation, poor social skills, introversion, and depression.

Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if you feel alone and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind.

For example, a college freshman might feel lonely despite being surrounded by roommates and other peers. A soldier beginning their military career might feel lonely after being deployed to a foreign country, despite being constantly surrounded by other troop members.

Loneliness vs. Solitude

While research clearly shows that loneliness and isolation are bad for both mental and physical health, being alone is not the same as being lonely. In fact, solitude actually has a number of important mental health benefits, including allowing people to better focus and recharge.

  • Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation despite wanting social connections. It is often perceived as an involuntary separation, rejection, or abandonment by other people.
  • Solitude, on the other hand, is voluntary. People who enjoy spending time by themselves continue to maintain positive social relationships that they can return to when they crave connection. They still spend time with others, but these interactions are balanced with periods of time alone.

Causes of Loneliness

Contributing factors to loneliness include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location, and divorce. The death of someone significant in a person’s life can also lead to feelings of loneliness.

Additionally, it can be a symptom of a psychological disorder such as depression. Depression often causes people to withdrawal socially, which can lead to isolation. Research also suggests that loneliness can be a factor that contributes to symptoms of depression.

Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people, which can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.

Personality factors may also play a role. Introverts, for example, might be less likely to cultivate and seek social connections, which can contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Signs that you’re lonely 

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Before we delve deeper into understanding loneliness, it’s important to know what the common signs are, and differentiate between feeling alone versus feeling lonely.

The key difference between the two is emotional attachment and connection. Being alone is a state of being, while loneliness is a feeling. We can be perfectly happy being by ourselves, but we can also be lonely even when we’re surrounded by people.

This is why some of the signs of chronic loneliness point to a need for connection:

  • Feelings of sadness, emptiness, discomfort, or disconnectedness 
  • Feeling left out or isolated from others
  • A longing for companionship
  • Feeling like you’re misunderstood or not heard
  • Feeling isolated even when you’re surrounded by others
  • Feeling exhausted or burnt out by social interactions
  • Feeling insecure
  • Ruminating and reminiscing on the past

More severe symptoms of loneliness can include: 

  • Decreased energy 
  • Insomnia, trouble falling asleep, or sleeping more than usual
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Withdrawal from social events

Inability to connect with others on a deeper, more intimate level. Maybe you have friends and family in your life, but engagement with them is at a very surface level. Your interaction doesn’t feel connected in a way that is fulfilling and this disconnection seems never ending.

No close or “best” friends. You have friends, but they are casual friends or acquaintances, and you feel you can find no one who truly “gets” you.

Overwhelming feeling of isolation regardless of where you are and who’s around. You can be at a party surrounded by dozens of people and, yet you feel isolated, separate, and disengaged. At work, you may feel alienated and alone. Same on a bus, train, or walking down a busy street. It’s as if you’re in your own unbreakable bubble.

Negative feelings of self-doubt and self-worth. Does it feel like you are always less than enough? These feelings—long-term—are another possible symptom of chronic loneliness.

When you try to connect or reach out, it’s not reciprocated, and you’re not seen or heard.

Exhaustion and burn out when trying to engage socially. If you’re dealing with chronic loneliness, trying to engage and be social with others can leave you feeling exhausted. Continued feelings of being drained can lead to other issues like sleep problems, a weakened immune system, poor diet, and more.

The root cause of long-term loneliness

Loneliness is often associated with a lack of friends, not having a partner, or family around. So of course, if we think this is the cause, the logical solution would be to go out, be social and surround ourselves with people.

This, however, can only soothe the feeling of loneliness temporarily. It acts as a distraction because the moment we’re alone again, the feeling will return.

I’d like to offer a different perspective that deep loneliness is rarely created by what’s occurring in our current reality, but rather it is a feeling which we’ve carried for a long time, one which simply gets “activated”.

For example, if you’re by yourself away from people, it wouldn’t be the situation itself causing the loneliness, but the situation is activating the buried feeling.

This buried feeling, which is normally linked to unsafety, disconnection or fear, can normally be traced back to childhood experiences such as:

  • Experiencing emotional or physical neglect
  • Being made to feel like your feelings and needs didn’t matter
  • Being made to feel invisible because your parents were too busy to notice you
  • Having to meet your emotional needs without support
  • Not being seen, heard and understood by your parents
  • Not getting care, attention and unconditional love

None of us know how to deal with all of this at such a young age, so we find the most efficient way not to feel them – by building a wall around them, disassociating or developing defence mechanisms. When this happens, we turn off the emotional side and switch on the cognitive (thinking) one.

This is when we start to look for distractions and people outside of ourselves to resolve the pain we carry inside. The problem, however, is that we not only disconnect from the pain, but we also disconnect from pleasure and pure feelings.

Over time this can make it really hard to connect to others, to feel seen and to feel heard, thus resulting in living with a constant feeling of loneliness and disconnection, whether you’re surrounded by people or not.

Health Risks Associated with Loneliness

Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health,

 including:

  • Alcohol and drug misuse
  • Altered brain function
  • Alzheimer’s disease progression
  • Antisocial behavior
  • Cardiovascular disease and stroke
  • Decreased memory and learning
  • Depression and suicide
  • Increased stress levels
  • Poor decision-making

These are not the only areas in which loneliness takes its toll. For example, lonely adults get less exercise than those who are not lonely. Their diet is higher in fat, their sleep is less efficient, and they report more daytime fatigue. Loneliness also disrupts the regulation of cellular processes deep within the body, predisposing lonely people to premature aging.

How to Prevent and Cope with Loneliness

Here are 12 ideas for things you can do to help you feel less lonely.

  1. Take up a new hobby
  2. Volunteer for a good cause
  3. Make friends through the Silver Line
  4. Get into books
  5. Gardening
  6. Board games
  7. Join a Heart Support Group
  8. Go to the cinema
  9. Keep in contact online
  10. Borrow a dog
  11. Team sports
  12. Food, friends and fun

Reference: verywellmind.com

Published by ClickForAYEYARWADY Team

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